The world abhors disorder and embraces equilibrium. Yins need yangs. Dogs need cats. It’s the whole “for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction” thing. Or as I like to think of it, “there are people who suck and people who blow.”
Curiously, most folks consider these to be one and the same. In the common vernacular, saying “ULTRAsomething sucks” is perceived as having the same meaning as saying, “ULTRAsomething blows.” But here’s the thing — I only agree with one of those statements.
It’s curious that sucking and blowing have become synonyms, since one obviously involves inhalation and one exhalation. Physically, we all do both — equilibrium. But metaphorically, we tend to favour one over the other.
Personally, I much prefer people who blow to people who suck. People who suck consume more of the world’s energy, creativity, knowledge and compassion than they replenish. We all know people whose very existence drains us of our own vitality, and who reduce our stockpile of enthusiasm to levels barely adequate to sustain an evening of Netflix binging. Soul vampires.
We also all know people from whom new ideas flow easily; whose presence energizes the room or whose generosity is above reproach. Soul nourishers.
The reality, of course, is that we all suck a little and we all blow a little. But there are very few people who do this in equilibrium. Rather, equilibrium is achieved on a global macrocosmic level — where society, as a whole, manages to both suck and blow in proportion.
I definitely strive to be someone who blows. Granted, I don’t blow anywhere near as demonstratively as a Mother Teresa or a Ghandi. But then, to compensate for my moderate blow levels, I do try to subsist on the most minuscule quantities of suck.
And that’s why I’m perfectly fine with the notion that ULTRAsomething blows — after all, it has no real purpose other than to hopefully inspire others to blow. Its mission is to give a (very) little something to this world — to improve it in some microscopic way; to advance society by a nano-nudge.
So a tip of my hat and a hearty and heartfelt “thanks for noticing” to all those readers who, for all these years, have proclaimed that ULTRAsomething blows. And to all those who have suggested ULTRAsomething sucks? All I can say is “your ignorance is showing.”
©2018 grEGORy simpson
ABOUT THE PHOTOS:
In an effort to illustrate just how much ULTRAsomething blows, I decided to populate this article with recent photos from my 1969 Olympus Pen FT camera. By using a 50 year old camera, I’m not sucking up more of the word’s precious natural resources for the purpose of building a new one. Why would I do that when the Pen FT takes perfectly adequate photos? Same goes for digital media — why consume all that cloud storage bandwidth and all those backup drives, when all I need to preserve my images is a single strip of acetate? And just in case some of you believe the chemicals within acetate (and a few mils of Rodinal) smell slightly of suckage, note that the Pen FT is a half frame camera, meaning I get 72 exposures on a single strip — halving my per-shot chemical use and thereby minimizing my toxic footprint. In fact, the only thing that doesn’t blow about the enclosed photos is the photos themselves. Upon making my selects, I realized they neither blow nor suck. Rather, to my eye they appear to bite — a discovery that sort of messes up my entire metaphor. Oh well, it’s not like anyone reads this “About The Photos” section anyway.
REMINDER: If you find these photos enjoyable or the articles beneficial, please consider making a DONATION to this site’s continuing evolution. As you’ve likely realized, ULTRAsomething is not an aggregator site — serious time and effort go into developing the original content contained within these virtual walls.
“Oh well, it’s not like anyone reads this “About The Photos” section anyway.” Just call me Anyone.
Hi Fred. Thanks for revealing your secret identity as Captain Anyone. Hopefully your cache of super powers contains something more useful than “the ability to endure an entire ULTRAsomething post from top to bottom.”
Should there be any other readers who share Captain Anyone’s unique mutation, I should probably attach an addendum to the “About The Photos” discussion, and mention that the photos, while seemingly random, aren’t actually random. Each is, in one way or another, out of balance. I know some readers like to try and figure out the connection between the article and the photos, so there’s a bit more involved here than just their “suck v. blow” connection. Also, I should mention that the two portal photos were originally shot to be a diptych (as, obviously, were the two photos that make up the “Repulsion” diptych), but when placed side-by-side, they produced one of the ugliest diptychs ever conceived — so they’re now and forever separated.
Gregory,
You’re articulate and funny, a great combination, so why would Anyone pass that up from top to bottom?
Fred
I’m going to hold my breath until the next ULTRAsomething post.
Hi Tracy: Thanks for you comment — it made me realize the site is missing a rather important health & safety disclaimer. Specifically, I should probably mention that ULTRAsomething cannot be held responsible for any physical consequences that result from readers choosing to hold their breath between article publications. I should also mention that ULTRAsomething cannot be held responsible for any readers who choose to bash their heads against the wall over something I’ve written. And (though it probably goes without saying), you should definitely not bathe while reading ULTRAsomething on a mains-powered laptop… or while operating a motor vehicle, or… geez… maybe I should get a lawyer to help out. This disclaimer could be more involved than I thought.
Well, it’s finally happened. After years of reading your stories and scratching my head over your photos, you have finally driven me to it. I developed my first roll of Tri-X 400 since High School tonight, and it’s all your fault. I did cheat a bit, though – I used a 20 year old Nikon F60, which has a light meter that works properly and (GASP!) a motor to wind the film. I also took what you would probably think were totally banal scenic photos, but at least I did something analog and developed the film myself in the upstairs bathroom.
Next thing you know I’ll be mixing Caffenol in the sink and taking blurry tilted photos………..
Hey Andrew: FINALLY! After 10 years of rambling pontifications on the internet, I have at last influenced a reader! I couldn’t be happier. With this kind of grass roots support, I should have a bona-fide following by the mid 37th century. Hopefully we’ll all still be able to buy Tri-X… Thanks for letting me know. Go easy on the blurry, tilted shots though — that’s some pretty advanced stuff.