Every so often, someone somewhere suggests I write a book. Unfortunately, they rarely suggest what kind of book I should write. When prompted, several suggest I write a novel; others recommend I focus on educational materials; some advocate for a photo book; while another contingent requests “an assemblage” of existing articles.
So here’s the deal. Actually, here are several deals.
First, I actually have written books. Several hundred of them, in fact — and all in that “educational” category so many desire. I’ve been writing electronic music product owner’s manuals since the late 1980’s — some of which have even been employed as classroom texts in a few institutes of higher learning. But I agree with the thought gestating in your mind: these aren’t “real” books. After all, it’s not like someone’s going to curl up in front of the fire with a 1,000 page manual on music notion and a nice glass of brandy. Besides, anyone who did suggest I pen an “educational book” was surely imagining something photography related, what with the purported purpose of this site.
Second, I did indeed publish a book of photos about 15 years ago. No, it wasn’t a “real” book — it was a Blurb book. Which meant the crisply photographed black-and-white images were rendered in either a murky shade of purple or a nauseatingly hued cyan. In spite of this, I’ll admit it sold better than expected — in the high single digits, last I checked. Also, I’ve been publishing a photo magazine the past couple years, which does sell substantially better. So you could always buy a couple of those, staple them together and boom! — instant book. Would I ever publish a real, offset-printed photo book using a real printer/publisher like Steidl? In a heartbeat. Would Steidl publish me? There aren’t enough hearts beating in the world.
The third (and most popular) suggestion, is that I release “an assemblage” of existing articles in book form. I’ve never been able to wrap my head around this one. The articles are already on the internet. For free. Yet my readership has declined so precipitously in the past several years that my web host has started emailing condolence messages to my friends and family. Why would anyone pay for what they can get for free? What publisher on this side of a padded accommodation in Bellevue would invest in publishing something that’s already offered without charge? Even if they performed a marketing miracle and convinced everyone to buy the first edition, word would quickly spread that it’s all on the web, thus killing any plans to publish a second edition, and therefore eliminating any possibility to recoup marketing expenses. Plus, since it’s Google’s stated goal to electronically publish every book in the world, it seems kind of silly to transfer all my articles to print, just so Google can transfer them back into digital form.
Fourth on the list of considerations is “the novel.” I’m not sure exactly what I’ve ever written that would make someone think I’m capable of writing a novel? I can barely stay engaged long enough to finish a 1000 word essay. How would I ever complete a 70,000 word novel? But if I ever did write a novel, I can assure you it would be so thoroughly unlike anything I’ve written for ULTRAsomething — both in language and in style — that it would utterly confound and disappoint anyone who ever asked me to write it.
Which brings me to the one book idea that no one seems to suggest: A collection of unpublished essays. This is something I think I could be good at, since writing essays is exactly what I’ve been doing these past 15 years. But to do this means I stop publishing them on the web and start publishing them in print. Given my current writing rate, it would take me 6 years to assemble a 70,000 word collection — more than enough time to guarantee no one would remember ULTRAsomething ever existed, or that they’d ever even suggested I write a book.
So, all roads lead to the same destination: me asking “why would I ever write a book?” Sure, I’d love to go on the talk show circuit, gorging myself on free snacks in the green room and engaging in witty banter with the host. Who wouldn’t? But is that going to happen? And aren’t there at least 100 things I’d rather do with my remaining time?
If this essay sounds like I’m sitting atop the tip of some existential iceberg, you’re absolutely right. I am. But in order to explore it more thoroughly, I’d have to write a book.
© 2024 grEGORy simpson
ABOUT THE PHOTOS:
To subtly illustrate my point that, perhaps, I’m not particularly equipped for long-form writing, I’ve captioned each accompanying photo with only a single word.
Baubles was shot on a Leica M6 TTL with a Minolta 28mm f/2.8 Rocker lens using HP5+ pushed to ISO 800 and developed in Microphen stock.
Rink was also shot on a Leica M6 TTL, but with a TTArtisan 50mm f/0.95 lens using Delta 3200 developed in Microphen stock.
Chrysler was photographed with a Fuji Natura Black 1.9 on HP5+ pushed to ISO 3200 in Microphen stock.
Pedant popped out of a Canon Demi EE-17 half-frame camera, loaded with HP5+ at ISO 400, which was developed with Blazinal (Rodinal) 1:50.
Skynyrd was shot from my sofa, just before taking a nap, on the OM Digital OM-1 on which was mounted an OM Digital 40-150 F/4 lens.
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While I think your writing is definitely not bad at all, I don’t think it’s suited for a book. Columns, yes, I can see that. But then, you’re doing that already anyway.
Although now that I’m thinking about this; would it be an idea to add some more text to your magazine? Maybe that would satisfy them?
(Oh, and thanks for reminding me how well ISO 3200 can look on film when handled correctly.)
Hurray! So that’s one vote NO for any sort of book. I was starting to worry that, perhaps, I was missing out on some “calling” or something. Maybe my calling is shooting at 3200. The next issue of ULTRAsomething magazine, when it comes out, will have quite a few shots with HP5 pushed to 3200. Of course, with no text in the magazines, no one will know that… 😉
A long time ago, far far away (in England, actually) my kids talked me into buying a souvenir teddy bear. Over the years, Henry has developed quite a personality thanks to the imaginings of those same kids. Apparently he is very sarcastic, swills whisky, and doesn’t actually like children. I have been very amused to watch all this develop, and one day the thought came to me “Hey! Henry could have his own book!” An offhand comment from my daughter about Henry being a time traveller trapped in a bear’s body by a lab accident really got me thinking, so I set out to write a children’s story with that premise. The book is still unwritten five years later. It’s very hard work, you see, which I had not suspected at all. If you are the sort of person you seem to be (someone who photographs birds while lying on the couch seems a good clue to your personality) you will definitely hate all the hard work involved, so if you keep this blog going at least a dozen of us will still read it and it will be so much less work that you will also be happier. Deal?
OK, so FIRST off, you shouldn’t be wasting your precious writing time commenting on my silly little blog — you should be writing this book! I would absolutely have loved reading it as a little kid. Heck, I’m flirting with geezerdom, and I’d *still* love to read it; particularly since I know you’d slip in a few clever things that only the adults would get, just to make it more enjoyable for the parents when they read it to their kids.
SECOND off, I’ll have you know I’m a very dedicated and active photographer when it comes to stalking gnarly things, seedy things, and unphotographable bits of bedlam. No alley is too filthy; no trash heap too far. It’s only when confronted with the idea of nature and/or landscape photography, that I prefer to engage from the comfort of my own sofa… preferably just before napping.
Love the badinage — and the photos. Just keep doing what you’re doing. That’s my take;
Thanks!
And by the way, kudos on being the first to use the word “badinage” in the near 16 year history of this website. Usually I pride myself on being the first to use all the cool words…
Hmm. We seem to be floating down life’s river in similar canoes, with similar catcalls echoing from the shores. Eh? I’m getting hard of hearing in my dotage.
Do what you want to do, or at least, what you do anyway. It’s good … the website is good, the photos are good… BTW: I like your magazines too. Putting a small piece of prose in one would be a fun surprise, but don’t take that as another catcall echoing from the shore. Just do what you do and I’ll be happy with it. Whether you are or not only you can say.
With Exorcism 04 (and Exorcism 05, now currently in development) hitting 72 pages, that equates to a 72,000 word novel should one wish to believe the cliche. I wouldn’t dare decrease the word count by including actual words.
Thanks for your insights, and for being such a long-time supporter of this silly site.
Hmmm… perhaps you could view all the articles on this website as prep for a book. Notes to self published out loud. And now distil into a flowing narrative, with some content not yet featured here. What I imagine is an aid to photography. Less technical than Adam’s The Camera, The Negative, The Print. As useful as those volumes are, what I find in your work are three very liberating elements: technical advice disguised as anti-technical (or photographic heresy); a sense that any camera, lens, capture medium, can unleash our creativity, side-stepping the pavement laden with the poo of gear anxiety; that none of this (or anything else) need be taken too seriously. Your humour is the main reason I come back. I like the pictures too.
I’d love the see some distillation of the world of photography according to Egor, and see some of your work printed properly on nice paper. I’d pay for a copy of that.
I was thinking of something more along the lines of “A Beginner’s Guide to Seppuku”